A quick moment to say "Happy Birthyday" to my sister Leia! I hope you've had a nice day! : ) I'm thinking of you and wishing you the best!!!
It has come to my attention via an e-mail from my good friend Bekka, that I am not really including much emotional details in the blog. I seem to stick mainly to what I observe or do and not how I feel about what is going on around me. So...
I am having a rather difficult time right now and am sort of wondering a) why I came here and b) why I opted to stay for 3 months. It is hard to say for certain, but I am 99% sure that I will return to the states after my month stint.
Another volunteer here works for a refugee resettlement organization that works with many Africans. She said that the Liberians on the camp are much better off than many other refugees in Africa and around the world. I am grateful that she is here and that she has the knowledge that she does, otherwise I would have totally missed out on this perspective.
Basically, it is difficult for me to wrap my brain around the fact that many, many people are worse off than this. Granted there are certain creature comforts (like the internet) that are available on the camp, but there are a lot of hardships as well. People live in tiny houses with outdoor toilets that they built themselves. Some of the little kids running around have distended bellies because they go without food on a regular basis. Many, most if not all, Liberians have a horrible story of violence in their lives. The war in Liberia which lasted on and off for at least 10 years left people in ruin. People are willing to share their stories, I think it is part of healing. A man lost his wife, a woman excaped the massacre of almost her entire immediate family by one hour. People used to be forced to fight or die.
Corporal punishment is the standard method for disiplaning children which can amout to beating children. I saw a man beating up a boy hitting him with an open palm and kicking him on the ground. I saw this on my first day here, so I've had this image and the fact that I did not/could not do anything about it haunting me since I first arrived. We are told that we are not to intervene in such circumstances because it will not make a difference. It will only aggrevate the situation for the child later or at the very least make it more difficult for international volunteers to make a difference in the community in the future. I've heard other stories of this and seen a teacher following a crying student back into the school with a switch.
While I understand the reasons that we are not supposed to intervene, it is horrible and I think to some level immoral not to do anything in a situation like that. This incident has messed me up and I think exacerbated the roller coaster ride that is my emotional state.
It is more difficult than I thought it would be to be away from Joshua. I know that that sounds weird or mean, but I think he might agree about his expectations for my period away as well. I thought that I would be able to do well by focusing on the work. However, after living here for a short time I begin to see that this will probably not be the case. Everything is extremely relaxed. Time is a whole different concept here. I was expecting to encounter excited volunteers, thrilled with the work that they've been doing. What I find is that most of the volunteers here seem quite disillusioned. I must try to become more positive lest I quickly fall into a despair which consists of watching the time crawl by and x-ing out the days on the calendar.
I can't believe that I am going through all of this stuff without my best friend. Right now, mainly, I want to go home.
I'm wondering by what chance I was dropped into a life of luxury and health. There has never been a period in my life when I did not know that someone loved me. I have four amazing parents and four wonderful syblings. I have an amazing family of friends. I am wondering why I wasn't born in a war torn country...why my life has been so much easier than the lives of most of the world's population.
As one final note I would like to thank everyone for all of the encouraging comments. It helps me a great deal.
We shall see...
6 comments:
Bree I know that it is hard to watch all of the kids getting treated so unfairly, but you have to stay strong for them. While you may not see if yet, the children will slowly but surely begin to look up to. You can help them in ways that are not even known to you right now. Know that I love you and that no matter what you decide to do I will still be here for you. I will continue to pray for you and the people who are around you. I love you so much, you will do good things where you are even if that is hard to see right now. Take care and try to look for the good in ever situation.
Tika
aaaah, bree! i was afraid of this. i was trying not to use all negative words when i asked you what you were thinking, but i feared that you would have had a similar reaction to mine. there is a lot of guilt that comes with seeing how hard the world is for so many people. at least, i felt guilty for wanting to go home so badly. and for wishing for comforts that the people i was seeing would never have a chance to experience. i (and others in my group) had a lot of trouble resisting the Western urge to assuage our guilt by peppering everyone we met with gifts (like pens and spare change). my host mother often said things like "I want to come with you to America" and we knew that it was most likely never a thing that would happen for her.
hang in there. it does get easier i think.
Bree, I'm sorry you're having such a rough time. I hope it's like jet lag - people used to call it culture shock - and you will adjust so your whole time there isn't miserable.
Y'know, I'm so old that I can tell you that it hasn't been that long since beating kids was culturally accepted in the good old USA. It's changed in my lifetime! But here, we didn't have all the other stresses of war and deprivation and lack of education to deal with. It's got to be hard to watch but considering all of what these people need, that's something that will change, eventually. Some of these kids will surely grow up thinking it's okay to beat their own children . . but some will learn a better way, and your example can hasten that.
Are the other new volunteers going through this too? Do the veterans talk about how it was for them at the beginning? You are such a sensitive and caring person, that of course the plight of the Liberians is especially wrenching for you. But you also are strong and adventurous, and both you and the people you interact with will be better for your presence there.
Hugs, Bree, tomorrow will be better!
Love,
Marsha
Bree please do not feel guilty for who you are and where you come from. But rather take your strengths and do what you can when you can without crossing the cultrual bounderies you must abide by in this situation. Everyone here believes in you and holds you in our thoughts and prayers. Love Dad, and a biscuit on the nose & hi-4 from Cozmo
So many people live in a comfortable bubble of unawareness when it comes to the sate of the world we live in. You are not one of those people. Many people hear of injustice, poverty, and violence and they choose to ingnore these things. Out of sight, out of mind. Then, there are people like you who do something - like get on a freakin plane and head to Africa for three months! You are a strong strong woman Bree. I seriously don't think that you could be in a place for three months and not have a positve impact on the people around you. It's just simply who you are and what you do.
Tara
Hey Bree, thanks for remembering my b-day.... i'm sorry that things are kinda tough emotionally over there right now. It is different going to another country and noting the differences between there and where we call home....
Leia
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